@ME

2011-11-25T07:34:00.001+07:00

hypocrite f*ucking b*itch!

ga suka ya ga suka, marah ya marah
ngga usah sok baik deh
ngga usah sok ngga marah

kesel kan? marah aja!
jangan kayak orang bego iya iya aja!

f*ck!

2011-11-24T22:17:00.002+07:00

happens every f*cking time.

kalo orangnya baik ama gw yaaa, kalo gw baik juga sama orangnya yaaa..
ga kenapa-napa.

giliran gw ngga suka orangnya yaa, giliran udah dibetah2in yaaa..
selalu ada aja yang bikin emosi.

sabar deeeehhh, haduuuhhhhh..

sorry

2011-11-22T00:33:00.002+07:00

i'm really sorry.
for everything.
for every mistakes i've made

i'm thankful for everything you gave me.
for every lessons i learned.

it started out as a friendship.
but it's just don't feel like it anymore.

jealousy wasn't part of the deal.
distrust wasn't what i signed up for.

so i'm really sorry for everything.
there just can't be two dominant personalities.
i know you don't think of me as one.
but i surely want to be one.

2011-11-14T22:42:00.003+07:00

ah f*ck it!

people say money isn't everything.
well, tell that to the penniless beggar you walk through everyday.
tell that to every penniless children that can't go to school.
tell that to the girl who sold her body for food.

now who said money isn't everything?

you can't buy happiness. true.
but,
when there's something you really want yet you don't have money to buy it
will you be happy, then?
i don't think so.

don't blame me for being cynical.
it's been my life the way i know it.
you don't have the right to judge.

2011-11-12T01:14:00.003+07:00

sometimes it's just reasons after reasons.
to dislike you even more. i can't stop.
'disliking' you.

you really think you're that worth to me? well, no.
it's probably my stupid ego. it's probably my lousy judgment.

or is it your inability to understand boundaries?

Brian Littrell - In Christ Alone

2011-10-03T20:18:00.001+07:00

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope

Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

Chorus:
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

adiksi

2011-10-03T00:08:00.002+07:00

adiksi terhadap film itu ibarat adiksi terhadap narkoba.
tentu, jika didengar sama sekali tidak membahayakan.
tentu, jika dilihat pun tidak tampak berbahaya.

tapi nyatanya..

tugas? ah, nanti saja kalau sudah selesai.
tidur? ah, tanggung satu episode lagi.
cek email? ah, nanti satu download-an lagi.
makan? ah, nanti kalau sudah satu season.
bahkan ke toilet? ah, sebentar deh lagi seru.

Katy Perry - Not Like The Movies

2011-08-26T18:49:00.001+07:00

He put it on me, I put it on,
Like there was nothing wrong.
It didn't fit,
It wasn't right.
Wasn't just the size.
They say you know,
When you know.
I don't know.

I didn't feel
The fairytale feeling, no.
Am I a stupid girl
For even dreaming that I could.

If it's not like the movies,
That's how it should be, yeah.
When he's the one,
I'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning
And that's just the beginning, yeah.

Snow white said when I was young,
"One day my prince will come."
So I wait for that date.
They say its hard to meet your match,
Find my better half.
So we make perfect shapes.
If stars don't align,
If it doesn't stop time,
If you cant see the sign,
Wait for it.
One hundred percent,
With every penny spent.
He'll be the one that,
Finishes your sentences.

If it's not like the movies,
That's how it should be.
When he's the one,
He'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning,
And that's just the beginning.

'Cause I know you're out there,
And you're, you're looking for me.
It's a crazy idea that you were made,
Perfectly for me you'll see.

Just like the movies.
That's how it will be.
Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending.
It's not like the movies,
But that's how it will be.
When he's the one,
You'll come undone,
And your world will stop spinning,
And it's just the beginning.

2011-08-25T21:00:00.001+07:00

do you believe in destiny?

what if we're destined to be together yet we're bond to our blood, nation, culture, and civilization?

2011-08-10T20:22:00.002+07:00

are you for real?
because things are like dream these days

are you the one i'm looking for?
because it sure as hell like you do

but there's doubt
ugly mist hanging in the middle of the road
making things uncertain

i can barely see my own heart

2011-08-10T20:15:00.002+07:00

don't ever let it be darkness
don't ever let it be loneliness
though we're far apart

i don't want to lose a good friend
i don't want you to think that you lose a good friend

so let it be silence
because bestfriend didn't talk with words, they talk with heart

2011-06-28T00:42:00.002+07:00

i don't want to explain what i did or why
i don't have to explain what i did or why

i don't mind you judge me
i don't mind you say bad things about me

my life isn't book you can read
my life isn't song you can sing

you don't open your pages, i won't try to look
you don't tell your stories, i won't try to know

your life isn't book i can read
your life isn't song i can sing

you open your pages, i'll read till i blind
you tell your stories, i'll listen till i deaf

HOME

2011-06-12T14:40:00.001+07:00

i need to go home. i really do.
this thing's making me uncomfortable.
it's making me vulnerable.
i don't like being vulnerable.
it's unusual. dangerous.

i want to go home.
i have to go home.
i need to go home.

it's killing me.

2011-06-07T14:33:00.003+07:00

it hits me in my face that while i can fall for you, you also can fall for someone else. (little fact i picked up on twitter this morning)

Katy Perry - Thinking of You

2011-06-06T12:44:00.000+07:00

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/k/katy-perry-lyrics/thinking-of-you-lyrics.html |]
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into

You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes

Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

2011-05-23T23:07:00.001+07:00

it feels like my brain's going to explode!

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

2011-05-22T19:32:00.000+07:00

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lady-antebellum-lyrics/need-you-now-lyrics.html ]

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

P.S.: kirain Lady Antebellum lagunya mirip Lady Gaga, ternyata ngga juga.. ;D

2011-05-16T15:41:00.000+07:00

sighing deeply

Avril Lavigne - I Wish You Were Here

2011-05-14T18:34:00.001+07:00

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, It's not like that at all

There's a girl who gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk through it

And I remember all those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

I love the way you are
It's who I am don't have to try hard
We always say, Say like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Oh, Oh,

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Let go, Let go...

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

2011-04-28T21:30:00.002+07:00

do you know what's funny about life?

ketika kita merasa semuanya terkendali dan baik-baik saja,
nyatanya dunia diputarbalikkan dan diacak sampai porak poranda.

ketika kita merasa semuanya berantakan dan serba tidak terkontrol,
ternyata tak ada angin sedikit pun yang berhembus menggoyangkan dunia,
dan semuanya lebih dari baik-baik saja.

lalu, salahkah memiliki ekspektasi?

2011-04-27T23:23:00.002+07:00

do you ever feel like the whole word is in silence?
like the time freezes, nothing is important.

like you're lost. don't know where and when.
don't know what to do. don't know where to go.

i don't want to be here any more second.
yet i can't run.

2011-04-26T19:39:00.003+07:00

your mother gives everything to you
why can't you give one thing to her?

2011-04-20T21:14:00.002+07:00

Don't say you're sorry if you don't mean it

Don't say you're sorry if you want to do it again

Don't say you're sorry if you know you can't promise you won't do it again

Avril Lavigne - What The Hell

2011-04-19T15:23:00.006+07:00

You say that I'm messing with your head
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
All 'cause I was making out with your friend
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Love hurts, whether it's right or wrong
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

You're on your knees,
beggin' please
'stay with me'
But honestly,
I just need to be a little crazy

All my life I've been good but now,
I'm thinking 'What the hell'
All I want is to mess around,
and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me,
you can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now,
whoa 'What the hell'

What,
What,
What,
'What the hell'

So what if I go out on a million dates
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You never call or listen to me anyway
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Don't get me wrong,
I just need some time to play (yeah)

You're on your knees,
beggin' please
'stay with me'
But honestly,
I just need to be a little crazy

All my life I've been good but now,
I'm thinking 'What the hell'
All I want is to mess around,
and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me,
you can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now,
whoa 'What the hell'

La la la la la la la la, whoa, whoa
La la la la la la la la, whoa, whoa

You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I am messing with your head
When I'm messing with you in bed

All my life I've been good but now,
I'm thinking 'What the hell'(what the hell)
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about (I don't care about)
All my life I've been good but now, I'm thinking 'What the hell'
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about. (if you love me)
If you love me, if you hate me,
you can't save me, baby, baby (if you love me)
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, 'What the hell'

La la, La la la la la la, La la, La la la la la la la

2011-04-17T22:19:00.002+07:00

recently, i have found my visual communication task that said:

"I DON'T LIKE WORKING IN GROUP"

this is why i don't like working with people:

1. I don't thrust people enough to let them working on something without my considerations, therefore I have to check on what everyone's doing.

2. I don't like to explain my thoughts to people, that's why I tend to follow other's idea than to explain my idea to them.

3. Even if I have explained what I want, there are still some of them who didn't understand and did it wrong and it's kind of pissed me of.

4. I prefer to take responsibilities of my own mistakes than for other's mistakes.

Well, I guess that's the reasons. Even among the little group I trusted, I still can not count on them in everything. That's why when I want it to be perfect I just have to do it myself. If it turns out it didn't perfect at all, it's all my fault and I blame no one but my inability.

2011-04-17T22:04:00.003+07:00

saya tidak punya keberanian untuk bilang saya iri
tidak cukup berbesar hati kalau saya memang kurang dari anda semua
pun tidak cukup saya termotivasi oleh anda semua

lalu harus apa saya ini?

Jakarta

2011-04-16T21:54:00.002+07:00

Jakarta mengubah saya.

Ia meningkatkan ketidakpedulian saya, membuat saya sendirian.

Ia membangkitkan harapan sekaligus menenggelamkan.

Ia membuat saya tergantung pada perkembangan zaman.

Terantuk prinsip dalam pola pergaulan.

Romeo and Juliet

2011-04-16T03:29:00.003+07:00

Act I - Prologue

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

Inspired to the greatest love story of the entire human race..

We proudly present:

A visual novel game by GBM 5.0.

2011-04-12T21:05:00.002+07:00

selalu ada perbandingan buat saya. dan selalu bukan perbandingan yang baik adanya.

that's not fair, but again..

life's never fair so I'll just bear with it.

Rachel Yamagata - Quiet

2011-04-10T01:35:00.001+07:00

Baby says I can't come with him
And I had read all of this in his eyes
Long before he even said so
Why go, I asked
You know and I know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spend on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again
Never to see your face again

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAT!

2011-04-09T00:05:00.003+07:00

Hi my dearest friend, happy 21st birthday to you!

I hope you will get everything you've dream of.

Don't feel lonely, because you have a lot of friends who support you.

God bless always..

P.S.. I am trying to congratulate you in every social media that you have.. haha

once again, Happy 21st birthday!

Jikustik - Untuk Cinta

2011-04-08T23:06:00.001+07:00

Pernah kita bersama, pernah kita bahagia
Mengarungi dunia, berjanji tuk setia

Aku tahu dirinya yang terbaik untukmu
Namun lihatlah aku, lelaki yang merindu

Reff:
Bila sinar surya terang menerangi kita
Ku kan mendekapmu erat takkan ku lepaskan
Walau kini engkau telah memilih dirinya
Ku ‘kan selalu berharap
Ku ‘kan selalu menanti untuk cinta

Aku tahu dirinya yang terbaik untukmu
Namun lihatlah aku, lelaki yang merindu

Reff:
Bila sinar surya terang menerangi kita
Ku kan mendekapmu erat takkan ku lepaskan
Walau kini engkau telah memilih dirinya
Ku ‘kan selalu berharap
Ku ‘kan selalu menanti untuk cinta

2011-04-08T22:48:00.002+07:00

beberapa hari ini saya begitu merindu

merindukan rumah dan manusia-manusia yang tinggal di dalamnya

saya ingin kembali

ketika masih bermimpi dan berwajah bayi

2011-04-08T02:31:00.001+07:00

lucunya blogging adalah, kalau lagi ngga ada internet sangat banyak yang pengen ditulis.

begitu udah online, langsung blank dan ngga tau mau nulis apa. atau udah teralihkan oleh hal lain jadi hal sebenernya yang mau ditulis jadi ngga ketulis..

2011-04-08T02:25:00.002+07:00

Pelajar SMP ditusuk 18 kali tanpa alasan.

Really, people?! are you insane?

Need To Breathe - Something Beautiful

2011-04-03T21:21:00.000+07:00

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh Something Beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh Something Beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, and all i want i have
You know it's still not what i need something beautiful

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh something beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh

Nada Surf - Inside Of Love

2011-04-03T21:18:00.000+07:00

watching terrible tv
it kills all thoughts
Getting spacier than
An astronaut
Making out with people
I hardly know or like
I can't believe what i do
Late at night

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

Only when we get to see
The aerial view
Will the patterns show
We'll know what to do
I know the last page so well
I can't read the first
So i just don't start
It's getting worse
[chorus]
I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
Must be a different view
To be a me with a you

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night

2011-04-03T21:11:00.002+07:00

there's an expiration date for everything.

foods, goods, even life.

you can not wait forever.

2011-03-31T21:33:00.002+07:00

seandainya saya punya uang banyak, besok sabtu saya mau jalan-jalan ke jakarta.

ngga ke mal, ngga ke mana-mana, cuman muter-muter tanpa tujuan.

naik bis.

naik angkot.

naik bajaj.

naik busway.

2011-03-31T20:53:00.003+07:00

gimana ya? kadang orang bermaksud baik tapi malah bikin bete.

bukannya sombong, tapi seringnya saya tahu apa yang saya butuh.

kalaupun anda punya dan mau minjemin, well thank you.

tapi kalo saya bilang saya mau, artinya saya mau punya.

it doesn't matter whether you have it or not. i want it for myself.

2011-03-24T23:46:00.003+07:00

lain waktu saya tidak tahu

kali ini saya seperti batu

diam. hening. sendiri

seperti batu abu-abu di antara tanah abu-abu

tak terlihat, tak ada beda

saya rasa hanya ego semata

kesombongan yang sudah bercokol terlalu lama

berbahaya.

saya harus berhenti.

2011-03-23T20:48:00.003+07:00

otak saya terganggu. oleh kebiasaan yang begitu.

apa sih susahnya membaca? apa susahnya berusaha?

jangan melulu bilang tidak tahu, selalu bilang tidak mampu.

tapi nantinya, hal-hal kecil ini berlalu dan membukit yang kelamaan berbau.

busuk.

seperti bangkai mayat berbelatung.

otak saya terganggu.

2011-03-19T01:09:00.002+07:00

lain halnya dengan dunia, rasa saya sama sekali tak sama

satu peristiwa saja sudah menghancurkan suasana

Alm. Chrisye - Andai Aku Bisa

2011-03-17T22:24:00.000+07:00

Andai aku bisa ...
Memutar kembali
Waktu yang telah berjalan
Tuk kembali bersama di dirimu selamanya...

Bukan maksud aku membawa dirimu
Masuk terlalu jauh
Kedalam kisah cinta
Yang tak mungkin terjadi..

Dan aku tak punya hati
Untuk menyakiti dirimu
Dan aku tak punya hati tuk mencintai
Dirimu yang selalu mencintai diriku
Walau kau tahu diriku masih bersamanya ...

Walaupun kau tahu
kau tahu diriku

Masih bersamanya ....

P.S. This song is hauntingly sad and beautiful.. :(

2011-03-16T22:01:00.001+07:00

senang sekali punya lilin yang kembali menyala

membara setelah sekian lama padam dalam diam

tapi sampai kapan?

saya tidak bisa memastikan

mimpi

2011-03-15T23:18:00.003+07:00

susah ya kalo punya harapan yang ketinggian. punya mimpi yang ngga tentu bisa dicapai.

tapi ada sesuatu yang bikin saya ngga bisa berhenti. mimpi itu adiktif, dan saya ketagihan.

ketagihan untuk melakukan.

ketagihan untuk mewujudkan.

ketagihan untuk bertahan.

bisa nggaknya, saya taruh di belakang. bersama sisa-sisa pengharapan.

saya tahu saya konyol, sekonyol anak-anak yang mengejar layang-layang putus.

tapi saya tidak bisa berhenti berlari. belum.

dua kaki saya masih tegak, dua tangan saya belum berhenti bergerak.

2011-02-24T21:31:00.002+07:00

it shouldn't have to be this way. it shouldn't be this way

i have made my choice so let's deal with it.

burn your dreams, girl

bury your wishes

leave it all alone and just let it be

i can still live without my dreams

though it's better for me not to live at all.

2011-02-16T23:33:00.003+07:00

having dreams is maybe the worst sin in the world. no, not in the world, in MY world.

i always thought that i'm following my dreams. i chase upon them, and i want to reach them.

i'm dying for my dreams. dying to reach them. to want to have them. to keep them real.

well, maybe i was wrong. all the time, i was wrong.

maybe i'm not supposed to have dreams. maybe i'm supposed to just sit tight and enjoy the ride, wherever it takes me.

maybe this is just a bad dream. a bad dream i chose instead of a bleeding reality that bond me to earth and never let go.

i would like to fly. i would like to taste clouds and sunshine and breathe in the atmosphere.

but i don't have wings, how can i even think to taste them?

why can't i just walk? or run. or fall.

this dream is falling apart. and even if i push it hard, i can't no longer hold it.

2011-01-18T10:22:00.003+07:00

ini kuliah, dan gw udah menghidupi bukan 1, bukan 2, tapi 3 tahun masa kuliah. bahkan kadang masih berasa mimpi gw kuliah di universitas mahamahal ini, dan tiap gw pulang ke rumah gw mendapat 'tamparan' yang cukup buat bikin gw sadar oangtua gw udah superduper berkorban supaya gw bisa kuliah di sini.
tapi ngapain gw di sini? bolos, males-malesan, nitip absen, makan mahal-mahal, nonton bioskop hampir tiap minggu. bahkan semester ini aja gw hampir failed satu mata kuliah yang mahapenting buat jurusan gw.

what the hell am i doing?

Paramore - Misguided Ghost

2011-01-16T12:15:00.000+07:00

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

Paramore - Playing God

2011-01-16T12:12:00.000+07:00

Can't make my own decisions or make any with precision
Well, maybe you should tie me up so I don't go where you don't want me
You say that I've been changing, that I'm not just simply aging
Yeah, how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat

Wo-o-o-ho-oh

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror

If God's the game that you're playing
Well, we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely... to be the only one who's holy
It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in
You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you

Wo-o-o-ho-oh

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror

This is the last second chance
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm half as good as it gets
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm on both sides of the fence
(I'll point you to the mirror)
Without a hint of regret... I'll hold you to it

I know you don't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror

I know you won't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror

P.S. : gila keranjingan Paramore gw..

2010-12-15T13:48:00.002+07:00

sometimes when we live around the jerks, we don't even remember that they're jerks anymore. we think everyone in the whole world are a bunch of jerks and we don't realize that there are some nerds living around us. some nerds who don't expect sex from a relationship, some nerds who feel guilty even before they commit a crime.

suddenly the world is a playground to enjoy to the fullest. sex, alcohol, drugs, clubbing, prostitute, they are just tools to enjoy life. nothing right or wrong anymore, it's just life. life that only once we get, only once we can enjoy, only once we can ruin.

Paramore - Adore

2010-12-13T22:46:00.000+07:00

I don't mean to run
But every time you come around
I Feel more alive, than ever
And I guess it's too much

Maybe we're too young
And I don't even know what's real
But I know I never

Wanted anything so bad
I've never wanted anyone so bad

If I let you love me
Be the one adored
Would you go all the way?
Be the one I'm looking for

If I let you love me
(If I say)
Be the one adored
(It's okay)
Would you go all the way?
(You can stay)
Be the one I'm looking for

Help me come back down
I'm high above the clouds
You know I'm suffocating
But I blame this town

Why do I deny
The things that burn inside?
Down deep I'm barely breathing
But you just see a smile

And I don't wanna let this go
Really I just want to know

If I let you love me
Be the one adored
Would you go all the way?
Be the one I'm looking for

If I let you love me
(If I say)
Be the one Adored
(It's okay)
Would you go all the way?
(You can stay)
Be the one I'm looking for

If I let you love me
Be the one adored
Would you go all the way?
Be the one I'm looking for
Be the one I'm looking for

If I let you love me
(If I say)
See the one adored
(It's okay)
Would you go all the way?
(You can stay)
Be the one I'm looking for

2010-12-12T20:41:00.000+07:00

makin keliatan deket makin ngga bisa diraih
bikin makin emosi

ah, what a life!

2010-12-10T19:37:00.002+07:00

saya cuma anak kecil yang ngga bisa nolak kalo dikasi permen
cuma anak kecil yang ngga bakal nolak kalo dikasi balon

My Girl Warriors

2010-12-08T22:47:00.003+07:00

i just love being myself. my life's awesome, my friends are awesome, i am as awesome as my life wants me to be.

i love you and i thank you Katarina Siena Koesmajadi for being such a nice bestfriend for all these years. You don't know how much you've helped me all along. it was very nice to met you at my first day and it is still nice to meet you everyday.

i love you and i thank you Angelia Stephanie for being such a great friend every time i need someone to bully. :P Thank you for being so patient. I see your patience and I want to have the same patience maybe more.

i love you and i thank you Agnes Monica for being such a perfect idol for me. I will never stop dreaming and believing, hoping that one day my dream will come true.

i love you and i thank you Stefanie Dyah for being such a fun partner in crime. I never feel racist when I am around you because we're both basically racist. :D

i love you and i thank you Permata Karina, Nur Humaira, Reca Johani for being such lovely housemates after all these years. I thank you for the help, the understanding, the sacrifice, all things we've been through this year. I will never forget you guys. :)

you guys are the most awesome girls in my entire college life!

Sari Simorangkir - Bagi-Mu Pujian

2010-12-06T19:08:00.002+07:00

Ku datang padaMu, membawa pujianku
Hanya kekuatan hadiratMu sanggup menjaga hatiku
Mendekat padaMu, ku mau sentuh hatiMu
Biar ku melihat kemuliaan yang Kau sediakan bagiku

BagiMu pujian, hormat kemuliaan
Kaulah kebanggaan di dalam hidupku
JanjiMu bersinar, buktikan Kau besar
Tiada yang sepertiMu Yesus Tuhanku

Mendekat padaMu, ku mau sentuh hatiMu
Biar ku melihat kemuliaan yang Kau sediakan bagiku

BagiMu pujian, hormat kemuliaan
Kaulah kebanggaan di dalam hidupku
JanjiMu bersinar, buktikan Kau besar
Tiada yang sepertiMu Yesus Tuhanku

2010-12-06T19:05:00.001+07:00

i need something new. something to boost my energy.
something to keep my head straight, to keep me in front of my notebook doing something useful instead of drowning in someone else's dream life.

2010-12-04T11:50:00.002+07:00

Kadang-kadang hidup itu lucu juga. kalau suatu saat saya menyesali keputusan yang saya buat, somehow hidup akan menunjukkan bahwa keputusan saya itu berdampak lebih baik, walaupun mungkin bukan keputusan yang paling tepat.
kadang-kadang saya dikejutkan oleh fakta-fakta kecil yang membuat saya 'batal' menyesal. Apa pun itu. Entah saya terlanjur membeli sesuatu, pada akhirnya saya tahu kalau saya mendapat banyak benefit dari sesuatu itu. Kalaupun saya membuang sesuatu, nantinya saya akan mensyukuri bahwa saya telah melepaskan sesuatu itu sehingga hidup saya menjadi lebih baik.

Well, mungkin hidup memang punya jalannya sendiri.

2010-12-01T18:27:00.002+07:00

kadang-kadang orang suka ngga ngerasa kalo perkataannya nyakitin orang lain, kalo perbuatannya somehow menyinggung orang lain.
kadang-kadang orang suka buta, nasehatin orang lain sementara dia sendiri kelakuannya sama persis.
kadang-kadang suka ngga tau kalo wrong accusation needs apologize.

yah,, aneh emang makhluk yang namanya manusia.

nightmare

2010-11-21T12:04:00.003+07:00

asik,, akhirnya online lagi.. walaupun cuma mampu beli buat seminggu,, haha

anyway, tidur pagi hari ternyata bawa mimpi buruk. tadi udah kebangun jam setengah 7 tapi memutuskan untuk tidur lagi. Kenapa? simply because it is SUNDAY! Yay.

Ternyata kebangun jam setengah 12 dari mimpi yang bikin gw jadi pengen bunuh diri. Well, it seems like everything i said and everything i did just never enough. Di mimpi gw berantem dengan cara yang paling mnustahil gw lakuin, teriak-teriak. Sampai-sampai udah kebangun pun masih capek rasanya. Apa permasalahannya?
1. Gw dituduh egois. Is that true?
2. Gw dituduh ngga pernah puas. Well, manusia emang ngga pernah puas atas apa pun, tapi deep down gw udah mulai bisa nerima kok.
3. Ga ada yang percaya dengan apa yang gw bilang walaupun gw udah teriak-teriak ngalahin teriakan yang nuduh gw.

Fiuhh, mimpi aja bikin capek. Bikin pengen nangis. Bikin bete seharian. It's just a dream, tapi bikin mikir.

Agnes Monica

2010-11-17T04:00:00.003+07:00

harusnya saya sudah tidur dengan harapan besok bangun lebih pagi buat mengerjakan pekerjaan yang lumayan penting tapi saya malah tergoda mengaktifkan internet dan here i am.

Kemaren dua hari yang lalu waktu lagi asik-asiknya nonton talkshownya Agnes Monica di salah satu stasiun TV tiba-tiba saya jadi sadar kayaknya udah lamaaaaaa banget nge-fans sama artis yang satu ini. Seinget saya udah dari kecil nge-fans ama Agnes Monica sampe-sampe ketidakpernahan dan ketidaksudian nonton sinetron kalah kalo yang maen sinetronnya Agnes Monica. There's something different about this person. Something I don't really know exactly, of course karena dia artis dan saya orang biasa yang notabene ngga tau apa kegiatan sehari-harinya dia.
Bukannya ngga nasionalis, tapi emang susah nge-fans sama artis lokal yang pasang surut pamornya kayak angin. Cepet terkenal, cepet juga ilang. Tapi seorang Agnes Monica rasa-rasanya semi abadi soalnya udah muncul di TV dari jaman Tralala Trilili terus Pernikahan Dini, Kembang Perawan, dan sinetron-sinetron laennya. Di dunia musik juga terus ngeluarin album mulai dari yang mellow, nge-beat, RnB, sambil nari-nari enerjik gitu somehow enak aja diliatnya. :)
Walaupun nge-fans, saya bukan fans buta yang rela ngejar-ngejar ato nyelidikin di mana nginep pas mau konser or something like that. Kalo ada konsernya sih pasti mau nonton tapi kalo harganya masuk di kantong ya, kalo harganya out of reach ya apa boleh buat nonton di TV aja deh. >.<

Back to topic, tentang Agnes Monica ini sebenernya saya nge-fans gara-gara 'mantra'-nya dia yang setiap saat dia ucapin yaitu 'Jangan takut punya mimpi yang tinggi' yang setelah saya pikir-pikir dan saya rewind memori otak ini believe it or not, I've hold on to that magic words my whole life. Pemikiran berani mimpi dan ambil langkah untuk ngewujudin mimpi itu, pemikiran kalo ada keinginan pasti someday ada jalan (dalam nama Tuhan, tentunya). Yah, walaupun mimpi saya masih jauh dari pencapaian tapi tiap saya putus asa dan pengen nyerah, those magic words keep me stand again. Well, saya rasa itulah power kata-kata idola yang bener-bener inspiring. Yah, emang ngga ada matinya deh Agnes Monica.
Well, hopefully someday bisa ketemu langsung entah di konser ato papasan di mall. Pengen kenal aja orang yang udah menginspirasi hidup saya selama ini di luar dunia dia sebagai artis.

Semoga sukses terus deh, God Bless You.

P.S. : Kalo pendapat pribadi sih, mendingan nyanyi ketimbang maen sinetron, terus mendingan nyanyi mellow daripada yang RnB karena lebih dapet sedihnya kalo nyanyi mellow-mellow.

2010-11-08T22:05:00.002+07:00

human never finds a way to stop. it's always more and much more.
well,, i guess it's not me to judge.

tukang

2010-11-08T15:47:00.004+07:00

kemarin sebuah percakapan terjadi antara gw dan teman gw, A, dalam perjalanan habis beli makan.

A : "Na, kayaknya kita musti ganti pintu kamar mandi deh."
N : "Yaudah, beli aja sekarang."
A : "Eh, oh. Tapi ntar masangnya dipasangin tukangnya kan?"
N : "Hah? Sekedar masang pintu doank gitu."

kemudian di toko tempat kita beli kenop pintu kamar mandi yang udah lama rusak.

N : "Mbak, ini yang buat kamar mandi?"
Mb: "Oh, iya. Mau yang ada kuncinya ato ngga ada?"
N : "Ngga ada aja, yang biasa."
Mb: "Ini yang biasa 51 ribu."
N : "Mbak, ini cara masangnya gimana ya?"
Mb: "Oh gampang tinggal dibuka dulu tengahnya terus dimasukin. Kalo orang tukang tau kok. Emangnya mbak yang mau masang?" (sambil agak nahan ketawa nanya ke gw.)
N : "..." (sambil mikir emang gw yang mau masang gitu, kalo ngga ngapain gw nanya!)

2010-11-02T19:01:00.002+07:00

suatu hari nanti dalam dunia angan saya orang-orang akan menemukan tubuh kaku saya terbujur dalam kamar tidur akibat bunuh diri. entah lewat cara overdose, gantung diri, minum baygon, memotong nadi, atau cara-cara yang belum terbayangkan oleh saya sendiri saat ini.

jika terjadi demikian, orang-orang itu akan saling bertanya satu sama lain. teman SMP bertanya pada teman SMA, teman SMA bertanya pada teman kuliah, teman kuliah bertanya pada teman SD atau mungkin teman TK. tetapi tak seorang pun akan tahu penyebab sebenarnya yang mendorong tindakan saya. orang-orang itu akan mempunyai banyak asumsi yang lebih memicu beribu pertanyaan daripada menemukan jawaban.

tapi orang-orang itu tidak akan pernah tahu.

di hari lain masih dalam angan saya, saya akan berada di sebuah kamar rumah sakit yang keseluruhannya berwarna putih. tertidur dengan nafas yang berembus perlahan menikmati setiap detik yang tersisa dari sebuah penyakit entah ginjal, ataupun kanker, di usia yang masih terbilang muda. saya akan mampu membiayai pengobatan saya berikut kamar VIP di sebuah rumah sakit berkualitas namun tidak terlalu megah.

jika terjadi demikian, suatu malam saya akan terbaring sendiri dalam kamar saya ditemani orangtua dan mungkin kakak saya melewati malam demi malam. kerabat dekat dan teman-teman berkunjung saat jam besuk datang setiap hari namun tak seorangpun yang tinggal menemani malam.

2010-10-31T15:48:00.000+07:00

dear hatred why do i always live with you?

heartless

2010-10-27T22:03:00.002+07:00

i am being inhuman.
i can't feel what people feel.
i don't know how i should act.

every good thing turns out to be hypocrisy.
every thought never seems pure again.

it's only in my heart.
it's only in my head.

this heart has been rotten.
this heart has been cold.

i am being inhuman.

I'm Going Home - Chris Daughtry

2010-10-26T21:35:00.000+07:00

I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain

Well, I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, well I'm going home

The miles are getting longer, it seems, the closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love remains true and I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try

So I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old

Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all and then some you don't want
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah

Oh, well I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
I said these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, I'm going home

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

2010-10-13T10:51:00.001+07:00

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

2010-10-08T23:12:00.002+07:00

i know a single sorry can't cure a flightless bird

so i will take the wings and bind it
i will pour water to freshen the wounds
i will give my hands to replace the wings

though the bird might bite me
though the bird might doubt me

i'm not letting go till the bird can fly again

2010-10-06T20:57:00.002+07:00

it's just a disappointment.

it's the way you talk.
the way you judge.
the way you're interrupt.

it's just hurt and you just simply don't understand.

troublesome

2010-10-06T01:09:00.002+07:00

this is troublesome.
very troublesome.
when it comes to life, friendship, and some girls stuffs.
it's become very troublesome.

would you mind, not laying your hands to our business?
well theirs, actually. mine's not so that important.

i don't care what people say about me, it's totally not about them anyway.
but i do trust that you can't just trespassing to one's house and fix their door.
though you might mean it right, though you might think it right.
but it's trespassing.

it's our line.
at least you could ask us.

2010-10-05T23:24:00.002+07:00

it's getting harder ever since.
i don't really know what's going on or how should i act.
i was completely lost.

things went strange, even for me.
the reality is real.
the fact is real.
the dream is just a smiling lies.

but i can't stop dreaming.
if i stop dreaming, i stop living.

2010-10-02T18:50:00.000+07:00

smiling lies i can never pretend

Evanescence - Like You

2010-09-18T21:03:00.001+07:00

Stay low.
Soft, dark, and dreamless,
Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness.
I hate me,
For breathing without you.
I don't want to feel anymore for you.

Grieving for you,
I'm not grieving for you.
Nothing real love can't undo,
And though I may have lost my way,
All paths lead straight to you.

I long to be like you,
Lie cold in the ground like you.

Halo,
Blinding wall between us.
Melt away and leave us alone again.
The humming, haunted somewhere out there.
I believe our love can see us through in death.

I long to be like you,
Lie cold in the ground like you.
There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,
I'm coming for you.

You're not alone,
No matter what they told you, you're not alone.
I'll be right beside you forevermore.

I long to be like you, sis,
Lie cold in the ground like you did.
There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you.

And as we lay in silent bliss,
I know you remember me.

I long to be like you,
Lie cold in the ground like you.
There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,
I'm coming for you.

Evanescence - Hello

2010-09-18T14:27:00.001+07:00

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

2010-09-18T14:12:00.002+07:00

human can never be so pure, can never be so innocent
i can never be so sinless

i never realized a single apologize can change everything
that's why i said i'm sorry

but will it be over already?

Ten part Two

2010-09-17T19:37:00.004+07:00

Sepuluh cara paling baik untuk tahu bahwa pacarmu benar-benar mencintaimu:

10. Dia tidak keberatan dengan perubahan moodmu yang aneh waktu PMS,
9. Dia selalu membiarkan kamu memilih film yang akan ditonton berdua,
8. Dia selalu membiarkan kamu memilih makanan yang akan kalian makan bersama,
7. Dia tahu nama teman-temanmu dan bertanya bagaimana kabar mereka,
6. Dia memastikan bahwa kapan pun kau datang berkunjung, selalu ada sesuatu untuk dimakan,
5. Dia sering menelepon hanya untuk tahu apa yang sedang kau lakukan,
4. Menurutnya kau kelihatan cantik bahkan saat tidak memakai make up sama sekali,
3. Dia mendengarkan keluhan tentang masalahmu dan mencoba menawarkan solusi yang memungkinkan,
2. Dia tidak kesal saat kamu tidak sengaja membicarakan cowok ganteng bersama sahabatmu,
1. Dia sama sekali tidak terganggu saat kau memilih menghabiskan malam minggu di depan TV dan bukan dengannya.

(Ready or Not, Meg Cabot)

Ten part One

2010-09-17T19:33:00.002+07:00

Sepuluh tempat utama orang-orang biasanya kehilangan keperawanan mereka:

10. Kursi belakang mobil si cowok,
9. Di hotel setelah prom,
8. Tempat tidur orangtuamu,
7. Tempat tidur orangtua cowokmu,
6. Di dalam tenda di perkemahan,
5. Di pantai,
4. Di mana pun, yang benar-benar di luar ruangan,
3. Di kamar cowokmu,
2. Di kamarmu,
1. Di vila cowokmu.

(Ready or Not, Meg Cabot)

2010-09-16T00:23:00.004+07:00

what is the meaning of 'friend'?

the thing is that you thought your whole world depends on the person you loved the most. boyfriend, lover, husband, whatever he is; while you never realize others who are always there to lend their shoulder for you to cry on.

2010-09-14T20:58:00.000+07:00

i am worried sick and you just never notice

2010-09-14T18:04:00.002+07:00

seriously what is it with me??

i don't know why i feel so bored or lazy or losing spirit
i don't know why i become so self-centered
i don't know why i am ignoring the whole world

what is it with me?

a mother

2010-09-13T22:49:00.002+07:00

i wonder how rude a daughter could be.
abandon your mother is rude, especially when she's talking.
lying to your mother is worse, she would never thought such lies come from your mouth.
looking down on your mother is the worst thing a daughter could possibly do.
it's a sin.

she carried you for 9 months and 10 days without even a single complain.
she told you everything, she heard every single beat of your heart.
she prayed for your success, your love life, your work, every single word from her mouth is about you.

she taught you everything but you didn't want to listen to her.
so when you're screwed up it's not her fault. IT'S TOTALLY YOURS.

2010-09-13T11:09:00.001+07:00

aduh apa ya? terlalu banyak yang harus ditulis, terlalu sedikit yg niat ditulis..
zzzzz..

it's all about money

2010-08-25T22:29:00.002+07:00

i love MONEY, i need MONEY, MONEY again each and everyday..

breakfast means MONEY, lunch means MONEY, snacks mean MONEY, drink means MONEY, dinner means MONEY
FOOD MEANS MONEY

no MONEY no food, no breakfast, dinner, or lunch, no drinks, no concentration, no pay-attention, no spirit, no winning, nothing

food means MONEY, take a bath means MONEY, medicine means MONEY, surgery means MONEY, doctor means MONEY, hospital means MONEY, insurance means MONEY, nurse means MONEY, milk means MONEY
HEALTH MEANS MONEY

no MONEY no health, no neat, no soap, no shampoo, no toiletries, no hygiene, no perfume, nothing but annoying bad-a** smell

no MONEY no love, no life, NOTHING!

the 20 things

2010-08-22T17:46:00.002+07:00

Kemarin aku baru berulang tahun ke-20 dan ini pertama kalinya aku lupa dengan ulang tahunku sendiri. Sebelumnya ngga pernah namanya lupa sama ultah sendiri, ternyata tahun ini aku lupa! Jam empat pagi aku baru kebangun dan ngeliat di hape ada dua sms yang ngucapin Happy Birthday aku baru inget kalo hari ini (21/08), aku ultah.
Ironisnya, keluargaku juga lupa sama ultahku. Mama yang pertama ngucapin ultah karena beliau tanya dapet sms dari siapa pagi-pagi buta terus aku bilang temenku ngucapin happy birthday. Papa dan kakakku baru inget sore harinya. Kakakku waktu kami ke rumah sepupu terus sepupuku itu ngucapin met ultah ke aku, papa inget pas aku pulang dari rumah sepupuku.

Well,, tahun ini aku ngga ngerasa anything special sih. Pas ulang tahun, balik ke Serpong (kalo kata seorang temen, "ultah di jalan"). Ngga inget pula, jadi tidur gitu aja like nothing happens. Ribet ama urusan beres-beres, order oriflame, nganter orderan ke sini situ. Last day at home, malah ngga dirumah sepanjang siang. :(

Kalo mau rewind apa-apa yang terjadi setaun, ato malah beberapa taun sebelum aku udah kepala dua sih banyak yang berubah. Dari awal aku kuliah di Serpong sampe sekarang udah semester 5, thousands things cross my little mind. Mulai dari temen-temen yang ngeselin, nyebelin, baek, pelit, sombong, egois, sakit jiwa, genit, mager, suka ngegosip, gila kerja, de el el udah pernah aku temuin. Satu dari setiap sifat mau nggak mau mempengaruhi gaya hidup, pola pikir, pola makan, pola tidur, dan pola-pola yang laen yang bikin aku jadi aku di umur 20 ini.
Yah in the end, aku cuma bisa berharap jadi orang yang lebih baik lagi dari sekarang karena katanya umur 20 seharusnya udah dianggep 'dewasa'.

another sigh in life

2010-08-16T14:02:00.004+07:00

kadang-kadang lelah juga mengharapkan diri pada sesuatu yang tak pasti. segalanya tampak begitu dekat sampai seolah-olah aku bisa menggapainya dan menggenggam mimpi itu untuk tidak membiarkannya tercecer ke segala arah. lalu aku tertidur, dan terbangun pada pagi hari (atau siang hari)nya hanya untuk menyadari bahwa semua yang kuharapkan tiba-tiba hilang lenyap.
*sigh*

mana pahalanya?

2010-08-15T14:02:00.002+07:00

Kalau puasa, artinya kan menahan nafsu dari kemarahan, rasa lapar dan haus, nafsu untuk berbuat maksiat, dan nafsu-nafsu lain yang memimpin manusia ke dalam dosa. Dengan demikian, orang-orang yang berpuasa akan mendapat pahala sebagai 'imbalan' dari kesanggupannya menahan diri.
Tapi kalau kita puasa di suatu tempat yang ngga ada penjual makanan, ngga ada penjual minuman, ngga ada gambar makanan, atau gampangnya ngga ada 'penggoda'nya lalu apa yang bisa kita tahan? Kan puasa itu critanya 'menahan nafsu' nah kalo ngga ada yang bikin nafsu artinya ngga perlu nahan nafsu ya artinya ngga puasa donk?
Dalam berita seorang satpol PP mengatakan, "Untuk menghormati mereka yang berpuasa, tempat-tempat makan dirazia dan disuruh menutup barang dagangannya (dalam hal ini, gambar-gambar makanan) dengan tirai supaya ngga kelihatan oleh orang-orang yang berpuasa." Jadi gampang donk nahan laparnya kalau ngga ada gambar makanan atau minuman?
Kalau seseorang bisa menahan nafsu dari beragam godaan pahalanya kan bertambah, nah kalo ngga perlu menahan nafsu dapat darimana pahalanya?

"Dan apabila kamu berpuasa, janganlah muram mukamu seperti orang munafik. Mereka mengubah air mukanya, supaya orang melihat bahwa mereka sedang berpuasa. Aku berkata kepadamu: Sesungguhnya mereka sudah mendapat upahnya. Tetapi apabila engkau berpuasa, minyakilah kepalamu dan cucilah mukamu, supaya jangan dilihat oleh orang bahwa engkau sedang berpuasa, melainkan hanya oleh Bapamu yang ada di tempat tersembunyi. Maka Bapamu yang melihat yang tersembunyi akan membalasnya kepadamu."
Matius 6: 16-18

T.T v.s. -_-

2010-08-14T15:19:00.003+07:00

Bagaimana kau meringankan diri dari masalah, semuanya tergantung pada dirimu sendiri. Kau boleh menangis sepuasnya, kau boleh meraung sampai tenggorokanmu copot, kau boleh membanting semua barang pecah belah milik mama, kau boleh memotong kedua nadimu dan merasakan aliran darah menyembur keluar memperpendek hidupmu, kau boleh melompat dari gedung tinggi mencoba untuk terbang tanpa sayap dan membentur aspal jalanan sampai kepalamu pecah, kau boleh murka mencaci maki semua orang yang lewat dan dicap gila. Semuanya terserah padamu.
Bisa saja kau diam. Diam bukan berarti tidak melawan. Hanya diam saja, memikirkan segala sesuatunya, me-rewind segala peristiwanya, lalu menangis diam-diam. Orang tak perlu tahu kau menangis, orang tak perlu tahu kau tersakiti, orang akan melihatnya di matamu tanpa kau berteriak kesakitan. Kemudian mereka yang perduli akan bertanya dan menunggu penjelasan. Mereka yang pura-pura perduli akan bertanya kemudian berlalu tanpa jawaban.
Diam bukan berarti tidak perduli, bukan berarti tidak sakit. Hanya menyembunyikan kesakitan agar orang-orang tidak tahu. Seperti si kecil Sheila yang berkata, "Kalau aku tidak menangis, orang tak tahu aku sakit. Dengan begitu, orang tak bisa menyakiti aku karena aku tidak menangis."

Tapi aku harus peringatkan, hati-hati dengan kebisuan. Hati-hati dengan diam yang tak dipertanyakan. Itu membunuh jiwamu, membunuh perasaanmu. Membuat kau jadi batu. Kau tidak lagi menangis melihat sesuatu yang memilukan. Kau menangis melihat kepalsuan televisi dan film, tapi tidak menangis melihat kematian dan penderitaan orang-orang.
Hanya saja lebih mudah untuk diam. Lebih mudah untuk memendam.

after all this time

2010-07-13T14:19:00.002+07:00

after all this time
after all the tears
after all the broken dreams

comes another hope
another wish
another smile
is it for real?

P.S. : "sometimes you have to lower your expectation" - a movie, i forgot the title

UAS 2d

2010-06-15T19:29:00.000+07:00

UAS comic and storyboard

2010-06-15T15:07:00.002+07:00

Link cerita The Legend of Sherubim oleh GBM 2.0 silakan klik di sini.

life

2010-05-22T23:32:00.002+07:00

how long has it been?

i don't know,, maybe seven or eight years.

why do you never fair to me, life?

why do you always pushing and pulling me down?

yet, i still love you so much.

why do you give me dream, life?

and at the same time you break it up.

and leave it hopeless.

yet, i still want you so much.

why do you save me, life?
lift me back up again.

to dream even more.

and to hope and to trust.

faith

2010-05-17T22:02:00.003+07:00

malam lalu saya marah.

marah, karena saya bukan dia.

marah, karena saya tak akan jadi dia.

marah, karena kamu terus-terusan berpikir kalau saya akan menjadi dia.

saya adalah saya.

saya hanyalah saya.

bukan siapa-siapa.

bukan dia.

tapi kamu tidak percaya.

ah, saya lelah.

if you keep losing faith to the people around you

you'll lose their faith as well.

karma

2010-05-13T13:28:00.002+07:00

jika aku adalah kamu

kamu adalah dia

dia adalah kita

kita adalah mereka

mereka adalah kami

kami adalah aku

maka aku adalah aku

what goes around comes around

think about it

ah

2010-05-12T23:31:00.003+07:00

bagiku seperti kebohongan
kebenaran yang dipalsukan
keinginan yang dipaksakan

bagiku terdengar akan hujan
angin pun bertiup tak tenang
dan langit tetap selalu berawan

it's always uncertain.
life. love. friendship. dream
ah, the last hurts.

i believe in the rain,
it will bring a rainbow.
i believe there is hope.

somewhere
somehow

the rope of hope

2010-05-05T14:23:00.003+07:00

i am hanging on the rope
the rope of hope

i am crying, still fighting
i am smiling, laughing

i am hanging on the rope of hope

despair everywhere
betrayal, back stabbing all around

i am hanging on the rope of hope

i am lost
in the middle of thin air

i can't breathe
can't sleep
can't see through their heads
can't feel through their hearts

i am hanging on the rope of hope

will i survive?
will i fall??

?

2010-04-28T22:43:00.003+07:00

saya kehilangan kata-kata untuk menulis
saya mau menulis tapi tak tau mau tulis apa
saya sendiri bingung
terperangkap dalam kotak kemalasan saya sendiri

tenggelam dalam rutinitas yang melelahkan raga
namun memuaskan jiwa
ah melantur bicara saya
tak tau ah

matikan saja lampunya

rhyme? it's melody.

2010-04-26T23:02:00.003+07:00

can you see? it's my dream you hold.
it's my night and i catch a cold.
i am sick, my prince.
sick of seeking you.
of waiting for you.

i am alone. only me.
why don't you come?
why don't you make me a chaos?
breaking the rules, loving fools.

ah, but you're ready yet.
i see, nothing can set.
come, and see me by the night.
don't hide behind the light.

the break-up

2010-04-23T01:02:00.002+07:00

i need a man,, not a boy or even rats..
you said male rats would wait for the female to brought him food??
why?? because the male rats believe in the female..

well,, boy..
I'M DEFINITELY NOT RATS..

i have suffered enough every now and then..
what i'm looking for is a relieve..
a cure for my pain,, yet you give me another scar..

well,, boy..
I NEED SHELTER..

i have met people from many society..
i know much of them are so right..
but many of them are also evil..

well,, boy..
I NEED GUIDANCE..

i have been through many things in life..
i feel,, i see,, i know,, i believe,, i hate,, i love..
i've been ignored,, i've been betrayed,, i've been hate and love..

well,, boy..
I NEED SOMEONE TO RELY ON..

i didn't hate you,, i just don't love you..
and then all that left is to say sorry..
and then all that left is just me..

@ME